Funny Descriptive Words for Guitar Players
A woman is accused of beating her husband half to death with his guitar collection.
The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."
my pre school guitar teacher...
got in trouble for fingering A minor, but he wasn't as bad as bad as my pre school violin teacher...he fiddled with kids... but both were not nearly as bad as my pre school piano teacher....who raped me in the mouth
Did you hear about the Guitar Player who got arrested last week?
He was caught fingering A minor.
How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."
A bass player runs into a bar...
where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up. Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!" "Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later." "No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped inside!"
So I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar...
and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums.
He was a professional tuna.
What does a guitarist say when he gets to his gig?
"...Would you like fries with that?"
So I sold my guitar...
I sold my guitar to a man with no hands.
So I said to him: "So how are you gonna work that then?"
He shrugged and said: "I'll play it by ear."
All Gratuities payable towards My Uncle Chris.
Talented Octopus
A man walks into a bar with and octopus under his arms. He then stands up on the bar and shouts for everyone inside to hear. "I will bet anyone here 200 dollars that this octopus can play any instrument you give it". Everyone is a buzz and the bartender hands him a guitar that was hanging on the wall. The Octopus takes the guitar and strums on it with great enthusiasm and plays a beautiful arrangement. Another man pulls a harmonica out of his pocket and again, the octopus plays it superbly. A jazz band hands him all of there instruments and the octopus plays them all with amazing skill. Then, a Scottish man wearing a kilt comes up to the octopus and hands it his bagpipes. The octopus, looks at it confusingly then begins to fumble with the instrument. "Ay, you can't play er, can ye" The Scotsman says with a thick accent. The octopus responds "Play her? I'm going to screw her as soon as I get these pajamas off"
My friend and I went to a guitar clinic recently. He really seemed to be into it.
I guess it struck a chord with him.
You can explore guitar fret reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean guitar saxophone dad jokes. There are also guitar puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A little guitar humor
I broke a g-string trying to finger A minor
My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar.
I said "maybe".
I got arrested while jamming on my guitar..
Apparently, I was fingering A Minor.
Why did the guitarist go to jail?
For fingering a minor
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?"
She replied: "No, first a Gibson, and then a Fender."
Why did the guitar player get arrested
He was fingering a minor
I saw a homeless man sleeping and I thought to myself, "What if you get mugged?"
So just to be safe, I took his guitar.
What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter?
Amanda Lynn
Some bloke just told me he was gonna smack me with the neck of his guitar....
I said, is that a fret?
What is God's favorite guitar chord?
Gsus
How do you get a guitar player to shut up?
Put sheet music in front of him
When playing the guitar in public...
keep in mind not to finger A minor, you could get arrested.
Why did the pedophile buy a guitar?
To finger A-Minor.
A woman on trial
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"
The prosecutor responds:
"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"
Why do pedophiles like to play guitar?
Because it's completely ok to finger A minor
Why was the guitarist arrested?
Because he was fingering A minor...
This guy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar....
I said, Is that a fret?
What did Al Gore play on his guitar?
An algorithm.
What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar?
An algorithm
Why did the guitarist get thrown in jail?
He was caught fingering A Minor.
What's the fastest way to make money as a guitarist?
By selling your guitar.
As a chemist, i'm not very good at the guitar...
...anyway, here's van der Waal
My friends are like my guitar.
I don't have a guitar...
Piracy is killing the music industry
I mean, have you tried playing guitar with a hook?
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
The answer is 50. One to change the lightbulb and 49 to say they can do better.
For sale:
Guitar
Yoyo
Puppet
Kite
£5 for the lot
Genuine reason for sale
No strings attached
"Tell me what you want." I whispered, as I slid my finger up and down her G string…
She said, "I want my guitar back."
What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless
How do you get a guitarist to stop playing?
Give them some sheet music
What is the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?
The savings bond will eventually mature and earn money.
What did the guitar say to the ukulele?
Uke, I am your father.
A man walks into a doctor's office with a broken arm.
He asks the doctor, "Doc, when my arm is healed, will I be able to play guitar?"
Doctor: "Well the fracture doesn't appear to be too bad, so yes you should be able to when it's all healed"
Man: "That's fantastic news! I've always wanted to be able to play guitar."
For you guitarists out there...
After going through a brutal divorce, a woman decides to get revenge. She goes to get ex's house, and proceeds to destroy each and every one of his guitars. When she gets to court, the judge asks her;
"First offender?"
She replies; "No. First a Gibson, then a Fender."
How many guitarist does it take to play stairway to heaven?
Apparently all of them
Why was the guitar teacher fired?
For fingering A minor
Someone said they'd attack me with the neck of their guitar...
"Is that a fret?"
I'm OK at guitar
but I can't pick up the piano.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for?
Fingering a minor
Many people who get something that's incomplete will worry.
But the man who buys a guitar with no neck does not fret.
Guitar
The only time you can break a g string while fingering a minor without getting arrested.
I was at a bar one night when I heard the most amazing rendition of Free Bird being played. I headed to the stage to find my local magistrate behind the guitar & on the mic. I was so impressed that I hired him to play my wedding, but he insisted on playing his original music which was terrible.
Just goes to show, never book a judge by his cover.
So I started a new band.
We scream aggressively about how broke we are to heavy guitar riffs.
We're called Debt Metal.
A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?" I may have overreacted when I responded:
"DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
Just had a guy threaten to attack me with the neck of a guitar
I asked him, "Is that a fret?"
What's a priests favourite chord on a guitar
A minor
What did the guitar student say when his teacher gave him advice on how to sound more like Jimi Hendrix?
"Thanks, I appreciate the feedback."
A bass player dies and goes to hell
when he gets there, he's surprised to find Keith Moon immediately greeting him.
Hey man, you've gotta join our band. We've got Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, and Im on drums
the bassist looks confused and says wait, this is hell right? that sounds awesome!
well satan's got a girlfriend who sings
My wife rotates playing her guitar, drum, or flute once a month.
It's part of her minstrel cycle.
What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?
A couch can support a family.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. "First offender," the judge asked.
"No" she replied "First a Gibson, then a Fender."
I was cleaning one of my finger guns.
I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar.
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your math homework!"
KID: "Aww, Mom! When am I ever gonna use math in real life? I'm gonna grow up to be a super rich rock star...I'll pay people to do math \*for\* me."
MOM: "Well, why didn't you say so? That's a wonderful goal! And I know exactly how to help you pursue it."
THE NEXT DAY
MOM: "No more TV until you finish your guitar practice!"
KID: "Aww, Mom!"
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks, "First offender?"
The woman replies, "No judge, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
Did you hear about the autistic guitar pick?
He's a plectrum on the spectrum.
I'm about to reveal a secret to being an excellent guitar player
Stay tuned
For son's birthday, Dad buys him a bass guitar...
...and pays for 5 lessons.
After the first lesson, the boy gets home and Dad asks "What did you learn today?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the E string." the son says proudly.
After the second lesson, the dad asks "What did you learn this time?"
"I learned the first 5 notes on the A string." the boy says.
After the third lesson, the Dad waits at home for what seems like hours. Around 2am, the son finally comes home, smelling of whiskey and cigarettes.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dad demands.
"Sorry dad, I had a gig!"
Do you want to know the secret of making your guitar sound better?
If so, stay tuned.
I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.
They said I violated it.
How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall?
Apparently, all of them.
A woman is arrested for beating her husband up with his guitar collection.
The judge asked "First offender?"
The wife answered "No. First a Gibson. Then a Fender"
So, I have had a pretty weird morning...
First I find a hat filled with money, and then out of nowhere I get randomly chased by an angry man with a guitar!
What do you call someone that sleeps with their guitar?
A sex-a-Fender
What type of guitar does a pigeon play?
A-coo-stick.
I signed up for a guitar chord lesson but had to quit because it was too hard.
Which I thought was strange because I was told it would B E C...
I'm selling a guitar for £5
No strings attached.
A stranger said he was going to hit me with his guitar...
I said, Is that a fret?
I was in a bar last night and this dude said to me, I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!" I growled back...
Is that a fret?
Judge asked lady why she attacked husband with guitar. She replied he wouldn't stop buying them. Judge then asked, "First Offender ?"
She replied, "No, First a Gibson, Then a Fender."
What do you call an abominable snowman that plays the guitar?
Yeti Van Halen.
Source: https://jokojokes.com/guitar-jokes.html
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